This research explored my subjective experience of being a bereaved psychotherapist, both personally and professionally, in a hospice and a private practice setting. The focus was to find the meaning within my grief experience by investigating, analysing, and reflecting on my experience via a systematic, internal, creative, intuitive, immersive, and deepening explorative process that the heuristic research method and methodology offered. My grief was captured in qualitative and immersive grief depictions, initial questions from which populated my personal search for the answers; and to which I recursively and painfully immersed myself in to explicate the core themes and the essence of the experience.